Freak Show at the Incognito Karmic Insect Parade

Notice the swollen eyes...shortly after the bug parade marched on my face!

Incognito...notice the mark on my lower lip shortly after I extracted my bicycle peddle from my droopy swollen lower lip!

When the ants go marching in, when the ants go marching in…….the music resonates with a rhythmic buzz as the stomp of their six saintly buggy feet echoes through the brisk air as Pandemic the magic bicycle awakes for another day of riding in the mountains. I grimace my face that could serve as a great purposeful attraction at the local circus side show. I now resemble a circus mongoloid rolling freak show push peddling great mighty legs in search of drinkable water in the Southern Alps Mountains. In fact, the only things functioning with any degree of beauty this morning are my legs and my sunglasses, the perfect disguise for the swollen mess of my newly found mongoloid face and obese eye lids. Can eye lids gain weight from too much cheese and cycling? Can Down syndrome be acquired overnight? I ponder as I peddle wearing sunglasses incognito uphill towards the glacier region of New Zealand. I have been feeling guilty for several days because after having lost my bottle of environmentally friendly white gas I have been burning petrol in my camp stove.

It has been pretty cold at night so I have been cooking in the vestibule of the tent and the fumes have gotten a bit intense like sleeping on the engine of a tractor under repair. If the environment had a karmic army it would have to be made up of acrobatic bugs that have been sent to me while I sleep to perform circus acts on my face as retribution for destroying yet another ozone layer. The environmentally friendly karmic bug parade has pillaged my face while I slept out in the cold while sniffing an old tractor engine. My thighs continue to ponder the additional weight of my obese eye lids cheek bones and lips as I push peddle over rolling hills north up the west coast.

My face feels very strange like it belongs in the museum of mongoloid bug art. I wish I had a picture of myself or a mirror so I can look at myself and see the creative work of the karmic bug parade that has spend the night marching over the ridges and plateaus that encompass my eye lids, cheeks bones and lips. Peddling up these hills is a challenge but nothing compared to the hard work it must have been for the troop of acrobatic circus bugs to perform on the hilly surface of my face.

As the bicycle skids to halt I suddenly realize that I had gotten my bicycle peddle stuck in my swollen droopy lower lip. When the dust settles and after spending 15 minutes extracting my bicycle peddle from my lip I realize that I COULD see myself. I dig my camera out of the saddle bag and snap a few pictures of myself to take a better look at the chosen facial path of the karmic bug parade.

Bugger! There is definitely something wrong with my face. I throw on my sunglasses and peddle on for the day, buzzing with happiness to be incognito and disappointed there isn’t a circus freak show hiring mongoloid cyclists at the top of one of these hills. The nice thing about travelling the world is people don’t know what you are supposed to look like so you can pretty much look as nutty or buggy as you want and people assume that perhaps you have just been dealt a poor hand of cards for this lifetime, cards which include obese eyelids and outrageously chubby lips. Three more days of peddling a few extra kilos of obese eye lids up and down rolling hills and a glacier and a shop appear in the distant mountainous hills. I replenish my stove with environmentally friendly white gas with the hope of gaining back some karmic environmental points. My eyelids shed the extra pounds and return to their slender size and I am grateful the karmic acrobatic bug parade has finally received different marching orders and left this beautiful glaciated town to join another cyclist’s circus freak show.