Have You Heard The One About Women Drivers?

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I slam the brakes and jackknife poor Pandemic the Startled Magic Bicycle as I slosh through a dark greasy puddle and stop short in front of a lunatic of a woman driving a motorcycle as if sponsored by BMW. It seems as I  make my way north for the third and final time through the mountains in Laos and into China with my new passport in hand that the women drivers have taken me on with a Mario Andretti  ferociousness. They are fresh from the race track, amped on Mekong whisky (a bad joke) and ready to ride.  Perhaps, it is my new speed complicating things.  I have gotten a fair bit lighter this week as I sorted out my new passport and visas for China, Russia and Pakistan. 

Keeping women on the road in her motorcycle repair shop

In the mail, I received a care package containing a new lighter tent, I replaced my Vaude Hogan ultralight tent because I am a loser and lost the tent poles.  The tent floor was also ripped from the porous rainforest floor and the zippers were wearing out from 2 years of my peak a boo is there anyone out there continuous use.  My wonderful Vaude tent home, I replaced with a Big Agnes Fly Creek tent because it is free standing, the poles fit IN the panniers/bicycle bag and the tent has more ventilation for the humid Africa climate up ahead.   I have also reduced my Asian clothing collection and was robbed/lightened of my front handlebar bag.  However, I am not all that attached to my belongings anymore, although, I would open up a can of ‘be the adventure woop ass’ if anyone messed with Pandemic The Magic Bicycle.  However, at 5 foot nothing, weighing in at buck and change and never having been the biggest kid in the class, Pandemic ‘The Untouchable’ can and will take care of herself.

All of this, wonderfully contributes to my new lightning fast zippidy doo da day entertaining speed and complete joyful reckless abandonment of all traffic rules for the slower vehicle.  I am now almost as fast as a motorcycle, and I say almost with the same “yeah right” exaggerated tone in which a criminal pleads not guilty. With my Be The Adventure panties hiked up high, in order to stay warm and brave the freezing rain of the mountains, I have decided to just allow all reason and common sense to wash away with the mud puddles and pretend that I definitely have the right of way on the road. Yeap, that’s right, I officially own the road, or at least in my own saturated by precipitation mind.  Dang women drivers!  

Tomorrow as the freezing rain, wind and 8 degree temperatures continue, I zig zag up into the mountains, take on the switch backed latent road and will be belting out “life is a highway”.  For every wet woman needs a good theme song.  And, while waving my cold hand to hundreds of rain soaked happy children,  hope not to crash, therefore, saving us all one more joke about women drivers. Have you heard the one about women on wheels? The WOW (women on wheels) Wall is always growing as people find me at rettaretta@hotmail.com, Facebook, and Twitter and share ideas photos, blogs and books celebrating  women on wheels.