Booteh Call…Six Tips For The Solo Female In India

How about one kiss?  Ah, no thanks man, I am all set.  Sex, sex, sex? Nah, man.  Rupees, rupees, rupees? What, dude, you got to be shitt’in me, right?  For everything you must think about me right now, I do believe you should be giving me money for sex not the other way around. 

There is a serious misunderstanding going on in Northern India concerning western women.  Apparently we are all sexual pariahs of the street walker variety.  The western women status is glorified with wild amounts of exposure to western movies and pornography.  The biggest question I ask myself is how often has it happened in the history of Indian tourism that a solo female on a bicycle in the big ole Himalaya has actually put down her bicycle and dropped her drawers right there on the side of the road and got busy with a construction worker. 

Performing the romantic road side oh la la with a shovel wielding skeevey pervert who wipes his bum with his bare hand can’t possibly be considered a romantic tourist destination, can it?.  Adventure tourism is big these days but that’s stretching it a little.  Seriously people, has this particular courting tactic ever actually worked? Here’s a tip for y’ah, show me your hand soap and I might just show you mine.  

So What Can You Do? Six Tips For The Solo Female In Northern India

Bring It On, Buddha…Buddhist villages, and areas with temples and stupas are scattered throughout Northern India.  Plan overnight stops in these areas.  Buddhist folks are kind, gentle and welcome road weary travelers with smiles and kindness.

Fall In Love With Wrinkles…old ladies rock and almost always seem to pick up on the fact that solo women could use a proverbial warm cup of chicken noodle girly girl soup.  This past week I slept with two old Tibetan sisters and one of their husbands.  They adopted me and welcomed me into their home for the night.

Avoid, Avoid, Avoid being alone with some guys.  Give police officials and military personnel a very small amount of your time.  Don’t go inside buildings or official tents where you will be outnumbered or alone.  They can do their job of checking your passport just as easy while you are anchored to a magic bicycle.   A magic bicycle also makes a great getaway vehicle if anyone decides to go down skeevey pervert lane.

Separate Areas Women In India have the right to go to the front of the line and have a separate area for bus travel, banking lines and general shopping.  Remember this as you blatantly shy up while being shown an all male ‘pants a tingling’ communal sleeping and eating area often found in roadside rest houses. Camping way out of site is also a good option and there is plenty of camping places in the mountains.

Become a polygamist.  My apologies to every solo guy on a bicycle I have ever met because sometimes I show people your photos on my camera and make up lavish tales.  Presently my husband is from Slovenia, he is a 2 meter tall engineer, he wears rainbow spandex, is a much faster cyclist than me and is always waiting up ahead.  And Mr. Slovenia if are reading this, thanks because it is very easy to show everyone your oh so cute spandex clad smile.   India is now my third country out of 16 in which my nose will surely grow from all my lying. For more on that read Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire.

The Motorcyclists On A Holiday Crowd. Educated folks seem to have a more liberal westernized understanding of friendships between men and women. There are plenty of local guys on a motorcycle holiday who are fun to chat with, share tea or a dormitory style sleeping room, if you feel like getting to know some locals.

Laugh, and realize that it is funny to be considered a sexual pariah, and drool over those Himalaya Mountain tops as much as some men you will meet will drool while in visioning you as a porn star.  For more funny stuff on that, read Porn Star about some cycling adventures in Borneo.