Laughing At Lingams, Top 3 Phallic Tales Of Explosive Exposure

Lingam is defined by the Webster’s dictionary as "a phallic symbol,male in stature, historically referred to as a symbol of reproduction...protruding outward from the male statue"

Lingam as defined by the solo female bicycle tourist glossary of terms as, "oh no, not again, please put that thing away!"

Number 3 Horsing Around In Mongolia

As I make my way through Mongolia in the far north region near the Russian border area, I am way off of the map and heading into the forest to follow a horse road to cross back west to a lake.  Bouncing along on the trail, Pandemic is spry and excited about trail riding in the trees.  I am pedaling along listening to music.  A nomadic man on a horse trots up next to me, I look up and say ……hello in Mongolian.  As my eyes focus, I immediate look away and start giggling, did I just see that? I glance back up and sure enough there is masturbating nomad on a horse trotting along as if masturbating on a horse is completely normal behavior.  I bust out laughing and in English say man not again, please put that thing away and I pedal off seriously baffled as to wether or not this particular courting technique has ever actually worked for this hard up nomadic horseman in far north Mongolia. 

Number 2 Peek-a-Poo Peeing In Western China

As anyone who has driven long distances knows when you have to pee you have to pee.  The Taklimakan desert is vast and huge distances pass without facilities.  The shock value of a solo bicycle tourist crossing the desert under pedal power has significant voyeuristic consequences.  As I pedal by, trucks drivers who have pulled over on the side of the road to pee. The Chinese truck drivers are startled by my presence in the remote uninhabited desert.  Surprised by my jaw dropping presence, they all instinctually turn around to look at me and keep peeing.  I giggle and look away, oh no not again, not another peek-a-boo penis, please put that thing away.

Number 1 Thai-Thai, Oh My, Is That Your Thigh?

In the mountains of Thailand, I pedal into the national park on my way to the Mekong River.  A friendly Thai man in a truck does not think it is safe for me to pedal. He stops and stops again and insists it is extremely dangerous.  At the time, I was new to cycle touring and unaware of how common it is for others to think the impossible is very possible on a bicycle just about anywhere.

After a few hours of Ed following, stopping and insisting, I eventually fall for it. We drive his pick-up truck equipped with big loud speakers mounted on the back, he teaches me Thai and I begin to sell corn over a microphone in Thai to all the villages along the way.  Laughing, mobile Thai corn sales woman I am for a few hours.  He eventually drives us down a side road, and my instincts clear the corn out of my mistaken head.  He puts in a music CD and takes out his penis. I go for the door and dive out of the truck that is still moving.  He stops the pick-up truck, I jump in the bed of the truck, pick up Pandemic The Magic loaded bicycle over my head, say sorry Pandemic and toss the bike at him. Pandemic bounces off of his head. He drives away injured, embarrassed and confused. I pedal off thinking note to self, going on dates in Thailand is a not a good idea. Also, if mobile Thai corn sale woman is my next big career move there is probably better ways to go about it.  However, most of all I am thinking, oh no not again, please put that thing away!


Pavel said...

Hmmm. The word is so different and exotic, I see, by your blog.

It must be comforting, is it not, to discover that men are reassuringly similar no matter where an attractive lady goes. :)

Suze said...

Pretty funny, good to have you posting again and where are you these days? Be well, happy pedling!

Jaybird said...

Retta, you are the sweetest. Glad to see it your sense of humour that continues to SWELL on the journey.

Emily said...

Oh, thank you for this post! I had a couple of experiences like this in Iran that made me either seethe with anger or burst into tears. You've reminded me (once again) to tackle these things with a healthy sense of humour. (Stupid men.)

corraline said...

...tempting traveller as you are-interesting anyway ,thank you !

Skalatitude..."When humans and nature are living in harmony there is magic and beauty everywhere"
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